These puns and ugly faces

And these butterflies I'd love to stab

And that interminable jaw pain I get when you're around

And the need to clean myself and my room up before 

you lay your head beside me in my bed

Must mean something.

Maybe this is a premature urge to say

What you said.

To finally return that mutuality

You thought you needed at first.

You make me want to be gushy

Annoy people with our affection.

You make me want to be different.

Maybe I have started falling down

That hypnotizing black and white

Spiral.

 

i wanna be

See I want to acheive the ultimate goal of becoming a better person. I want you all to feel at home when I'm providing you my time, sit down on the rocking chair and close your eyes and let your mind live for a bit. Here let me take off that coat you shield yourself with from the cold you're here now and you're warm now. I wanna be that amazing protagonists in those books that you can't get out of your head even after you have finished the book. I wanna show that growth and that depth in just a few chapters. 

I am the wick of a candle.
Burnt many times
But yet capable of letting a lovely scent drift
To your nose.
I'll mesmerize those raw eyes.
As I'm waiting for my flame.
My surroundings will melt
And a comforting aroma will arise.
This feeling of nostalgia
Never felt so warm.

See I have pity for myself
I value something i’ve never had
From the time in my dream 
I saw you in a cage and I chose another.
But I always still look up to the sun dancing in the sky.
I embrace the shine escaping the obstacles the trees have made
As I forget about why I think this way.
I soon neglect the image of my miserable self
And fixate on creating a new one.
I force myself to get out and maybe recreate my
Younger days.
But I know that time can never be made up
And unfortunately you robbed me and you can’t redeem yourself.

The way I lean on people is the individual and I have our backs to each other. I lean back so far that I break their back. Individuals are fragile to a certain point and I don't need that I need someone who can break there back for me and can still let me lean on them with them wearing that damn back brace. But nowadays it's too overwhelming to break your back. I guess I don't need some flexible person I need a person whose able to break and break over again and still be able to say "sure alyssa you can break my back again because I'm here for you." Needless to say I have only a few people I'd break my backs for. 

I really feel like I need something new and exciting in my life, I don't know what and the fact that I don't know saddens me. There's just beyond an influince of things I can occupy myself with and I don't know what. I guess this is just me ready for the new school year. I'm growing tired of the same old people being inconsistent. This summer made me realize that really it's better off to bawl on your own because no ones there for me permanantly everyone's too damn busy for me. Have I grown boring? Have I deposited lame attributes into my relationship with others to consist a lack of consistancy? I'm really just wondering along with apathy. I've been hiding.

It's all a 1 way thing we're all heading to die.