I never wanna let go
And share.
To divide our time into separate portions
Just seems to puncture my ends.
This is too tangible
And I'd like to keep it like that
For this is mine
Not hers
Not theirs
And this can only be shared with you.
This isn't some remarkable swoon
But this is it
And it's worthy of being selfish over.

Honestly the only way I think I could grow up is if I move out. Here, I'm still labeled as a child when I know I'm so much more and this bullshit is no longer fucking appropriate. Everyday I just feel like I'm dry-swallowing my pride cause I know I'm too good to deserve this, I'm too free to be caged up by the paranoia swelling up in their minds. People and things are crazy but you can't anticipate and prepare for the worst especially when there's no potential of it even occurring. I do see the safety aspects but I just don't even think it's about that anymore I just think it's about being unhappy and if you're unhappy please don't let that be contagious, but these are dead roots ruined by often passing storms. 

Everyday I'm more assured that I'm quite done. There's nothing here to pursue anymore and everyday is starting to feeling limited in some sort of way. It's either I can't do it or I just don't want to do it. Nothing beholds the same interest I once had when I first got here, I suppose it's time to move on and find that amount of interest I once had. It's not about the fusses that occurred it's about how no more change can be done. I just need to get away from these roots, settle on new soil and grow.

Cravings Are Never There.

As I stop running to admire the chance I took
I realized that it's slowly slipping
And I'm shocked at  the little grip I have now.
I was quick to move
But slow with my directions.
The thought of not knowing
Sends my head spinning with speculations
If the world stopped and steadily slowed down
And gave me the time
I'd guide my head home to sleep
The constant roar of panic alarms me
But
It's too hard to take it easy
So
I'm done.

Disabling Growth.

Always concealing but never dealing.

I'm not trying to fool you or anyone

Just trying to get away.

I learned it without a peep of wisdom.

Careful

Watch out

Don't

Prevent.

I never learned until I found out myself

And now I know better than you assume

Get over your scary youthful fears

They're getting old

I'm growing 

So just let go

You never taught me in the first place anyways. 

So just let go

We all know what I've done

I've been taking care of myself even before you 

Spoke up. 

First, Wait.

I remember the worried look on my Mothers face.

The frown she gave my dress

As she turned to Jackie questioning my apparel.

I really didn’t care

Unless you did.

I felt the little jitter arise as I got closer and closer to Barnes & Noble.

On the bus I was

Remembering my birthdays rejection

And assuming I was on my way to another one. 

I just thought it’d be simple and it would just be a forced pinch

Where I’d close my eyes and just go for it. 

You weren’t there when I arrived

And I waited and calmed myself down 

With a raw thought that this wasn’t going to be cooking.

But.

At last you arrived.

We sat down in the New Age isle

We didn’t have books stacked up 

We just had one that suited our imagination.

I knew your hands were itching to touch mine

Your lips were licked and ready.

That was the day you asked for more

And I grew generous. 

I remember the worried look on my Mothers face.

The frown she gave my dress

As she turned to Jackie questioning my apparel.

I really didn’t care

Unless you did.

I felt the little jitter arise as I got closer and closer to Barnes & Noble.

On the bus I was

Remembering my birthdays rejection

And assuming I was on my way to another one. 

I just thought it’d be simple and it would just be a forced pinch

Where I’d close my eyes and just go for it. 

You weren’t there when I arrived

And I waited and calmed myself down 

With a raw thought that this wasn’t going to be cooking.

But.

At last you arrived.

We sat down in the New Age isle

We didn’t have books stacked up 

We just had one that suited our imagination.

I knew your hands were itching to touch mine

Your lips were licked and ready.

That was the day you asked for more

And I grew generous.