The way I lean on people is the individual and I have our backs to each other. I lean back so far that I break their back. Individuals are fragile to a certain point and I don't need that I need someone who can break there back for me and can still let me lean on them with them wearing that damn back brace. But nowadays it's too overwhelming to break your back. I guess I don't need some flexible person I need a person whose able to break and break over again and still be able to say "sure alyssa you can break my back again because I'm here for you." Needless to say I have only a few people I'd break my backs for. 

I really feel like I need something new and exciting in my life, I don't know what and the fact that I don't know saddens me. There's just beyond an influince of things I can occupy myself with and I don't know what. I guess this is just me ready for the new school year. I'm growing tired of the same old people being inconsistent. This summer made me realize that really it's better off to bawl on your own because no ones there for me permanantly everyone's too damn busy for me. Have I grown boring? Have I deposited lame attributes into my relationship with others to consist a lack of consistancy? I'm really just wondering along with apathy. I've been hiding.

It's all a 1 way thing we're all heading to die.

neutral.

You look tall and lonely
And you make me feel extremely petite
It used to be petite in an emotional way
But it's been 2 summers since then.
I always thought it was me who intimidated you
But it was your intimidating thoughts that made
You run away from me as a child.
You came back a bit older
And realized this was getting old.
I'm here in the present and I'm not yours to say.
You've gained weight
But you're still skinny
You still look the same
But it's your heart
It gained more weight.

As I Skip over the concrete that seemed like it has survived many earthquakes in its bygone era 
I wave and say good morning 
To the drunk guy who wakes up to beer and ends the night to beer.
As I greet him I know I'm disregarding 
The advice my mom gives me every morning before she goes off to another day at the lab. 
I notice the uncomforting bugs invading human property if only they knew 
They were crawling into their death.
I turn the corner and admire the unsymmetrical shaped house and glance at the left part of the roof 
That failed at meeting the right part because the left part was lower than the other.
Heinus smells from different houses intimidating my nostrils but I deal with it 
Because this route to school is always new.

Frozen Warmth

Outside is calling
Though it's cold
But the sunset seems
Like a glimpse of
Warm paradise.
I knew
Just a few months more.
Freshly cut grass will
Welcome me as I pass
My neighbors lawn.
The concrete is exposed
Along with my skin.
Sprinklers will refresh me
And  without a doubt
I'll Run through
As I simmer beneath the sun
And allow the musty smell
To penetrate my hair
Strand by strand.

Igloo

I am an igloo
Filled with icy knives
Cold
Closed
And Sharp
Surrounded by perfect white
Isolated by me
Candid is a no cando.
The freezing of warmth is interminable.
An abundance of cold whipping wind.
Made out of my own surroundings
To shield my own surroundings.
Just a crack to let people in
And let them out.
That's all I am
An igloo.